The Ultimate Battle Part 1
The island was being bombarded by clouds, thunder and lightning. Chris was breathing into a bag being held by Chef as he held an umbrella in his hand while eight of the contestants watched. Gwen: "Are you okay?" Chris: "Oh yes, I am very okay, very okay!" DJ: "Oh good, I thought you were going nuts there for a moment!" Chris: "Going nuts, why would I go nuts, I mean I have a great job hosting this show, although I haven't been told by the producer's that there'll be another season yet, so..." (chuckles) "...Oh wait, I remember now, there's a crazy evil genius and a guy who has multiple personality disorder who's trying to destroy my WAY OF LIFE, AND YOU EXPECT ME TO BE CALM?" Duncan: "Geez, he's acting like the world's going to end!" Chef: "His world really!" Dawn: "How about you do your little introduction before we begin this final challenge? That'll probably calm you down!" Chris: (sighs) "Fine! Last time on Total Drama All Stars, the final three were presented with a homage to Season 1's Rejected Olympic Relay Race in order to see who would make it to the final challenge, which I've named the Five Levels of Total Drama!" Gwen: "Like I said before, that's not a really good name!" Chris: "SHUT UP! Anyway, someone won, someone lost..." Scott: "But your not going to say who?" Chris: "No, because I have something else on my mind, like Scarlett trying to kill us, again!" Sierra: "You forgot to mention Mal as well!" Chris: "Who cares! I mean, why try to change anything! This isn't life, this isn't even anything representing life But it's life for me! It's pretty pathetic, but it's all I got! I know what you're saying, "Oh, well that's pretty sad," well yeah, it is (bleep) sad! I don't get to go out and hang with friends, I don't even have any friends! I have nobody to contribute anything to, I have nobody to talk to, or bounce things off of, or say, "Hey, what'd ya think of that," "well, I'll tell ya what I think of that," no, it's just me. Bitching and moaning like I always do. (at this point, he starts talking more rapidly) And someone's saying, "well that's a pretty sad existence," well yeah, it is a pretty sad existence JUST STANDING HERE TALKING ABOUT TOTAL (bleep) DRAMA! I MEAN FOR GOD'S SAKE, I'VE NEVER DONE ANYTHING! I've never done anything to make someone's life better, or-or-or-or-or, gone to play a game with somebody- I'd LOVE to play a game with somebody! Wouldn't it be great, I mean somebody's just like, "Hey why don't you come over and play this game with us?" "What game?" "Parcheesi," I don't know what the (bleep) people are playing, but you know what?! It'd be nice! It'd be nice to be invited! I've never even gone out to a, a bar with somebody, hang with some friends, I've never gone to a, a golf club- okay I've gone to a couple golf clubs, but I've never gone with anybody! I've never been there, and actually been like... okay, not with people, but STILL, you know what?! It'd be nice! It'd be nice just ONE DAY to go somewhere! Or somebody's just having a good time, and somebody just says outta nowhere, "Hey, you know what? THAT guy was okay! Not great, but he was okay!" instead of, "Hey! Who was that little (bleep)?!" Well I'll tell ya who that (bleep) is! HE'S CHRIS MCCLAIN, THE HOST OF TOTAL DRAMA! HE HOSTS THIS SHOW SO YOU DON'T (bleep) HAVE TO! EVEN THOUGH, EVERY (bleep) DAY HE EXISTS, HE WISHES HE DIDN'T HAVE TO! HE WISHES HE DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THIS (bleep), TO MAKE YOU WATCH AND GET YOU RATINGS, AND WHY DOES IT HAPPEN?! WHY DO YOU KEEP COMING BACK, BECAUSE YOU'RE (bleep) SICK, AND I'M (bleep) STUPID! THAT'S THE WAY IT IS! IT'S THE WAY IT'S ALWAYS GONNA BE! THERE IS NO CHANGE, THERE IS NO FUTURE! THERE IS NO PAST! THE PRESENT IS A JOKE, EVERYTHING IS HELL! MY LIFE IS HELL! THIS IS THE WORST THING A HUMAN BEING COULD EVER GO THROUGH! (screams at the top of his lungs) So, let's start. Uh, this is where I usually show a few clips from the episode...and I of course talk over them in my own sarcastic way! Yeah, because that's EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED TO DO WITH MY LIFE..." Chef: "Just start the theme song, he's not going to stop!" -- Total Drama All Stars theme song plays -- As Chris continues to shout obscenities, Chef places a giant bag over him. Gwen: "So, he's not going stop anytime soon, right?" Chef: "Nope, so it looks like I'm going to be the host as of now!" Then the interns took the bag with the insane Chris away. Chef: "You two girls, make your way through the five Levels of Total Drama, the rest of you, find Scarlett and Mal and save the others who cameo this season! After that, climb the pyramid, get the sword off the stone and you'll win one... million... dollars!!!" Brick: "Well, let's get going ladies and gentlemen!" Then everyone went with their goals. Zoey: (confessional and sighs) "Well, things are getting intense now." (serious) "But if we all going to survive and stop Mal and Scarlett, time to be rough!" (smirks) "Commando tough!" -- Meanwhile in a secret room, Mal and Scarlett are watching the monitors on-screen. Scarlett: (laughs) "The fools thought they have a chance against me?" Mal: "You meant us, and nope, they won't." (folds his arms, smirking) "Still, I'm surprised you still need my help after backstabbing each other." Scarlett: "You're only the muscle, I'm the planner here. After my Drop of Shame, I was lucky to land at a new spot to work on my master plan: brainwash all the continents and conquer the Island, thanks to Max's mind control helmets." Mal: (confessional) "Not a bad plan. But if someone is ruling the island, it's me!" Mal: "How did you get Max to create them? I thought you two hated each other?" Scarlett: "I used fear and intimidation to get my needs, it's pretty much how I played the game!" Mal: "And lost!" Scarlett: "So did you!" -- Inside Mike's mind... Mike and the rest of his personalities are all tied to a boulder, struggling to get out Mike: "When I get out of here, Mal is going to pay!" Manitoba Smith: "How? This dingo seems unstoppable!" Vito: "Nothing's impossible bro!" Mike: "Yeah, but it's so difficult right now!" -- Back in reality... Mal: "So where are these adolescents?" Scarlett opened a door which revealed the other contestants tied up to each other. Sky: "Let us go, Scarlett! You won't get away with this!" Scarlett: "Sorry, but I'm afraid that is completely out of the question!" Dakota: "My dad is going to sue you!" Scarlett: "Yes, and I'm sure he sued Chris after that little incident that turned you into a freak of nature!" Amy: "You don't have to kill me, I'll do anything!" Scarlett: "Sorry, Cody made that same request, but I turned him down!" Scarlett closed the door. Cody: (calling out) "You won't get away with this!" Scarlett: "Prepare the missiles, we might have to resort to the backup plan in case the others arrive!" -- Inside the forest, the rest of the contestants are wandering around. Lindsay: (sighs) "How long have we been walking?" Brick: "A long time!" Lightning: "I thought that device was supposed to help us find those guys!" Noah: (sarcastically) "I'm sorry, but it's hard to change a GPS into a location device!" Cameron: "Maybe I can help..." (checks the GPS device) "Hmm.... okay. We go left." Owen: "Okay then." The others turn left and they feel the ground shaking. Heather: (shaken) "W-W-What now?!" Zoey: (points) "That!!!" They see flying trees flying at them and they scream as they took cover from behind the rocks. Alejandro: "Yikes! Those two are desperate to stop us." Heather: "No duh." Brick: "We have to keep moving forward." Zoey: "Well, let's go already!" Zoey ran ahead. Samey: "Zoey! Wait!!!" Cameron: (looks at his GPS device) "Wait! I think we're getting closer..." -- With Courtney and Dawn, and their helpers they running ahead, as the setting starts to changes into a movie set. Sierra: "Wait, I forgot, who has the remote?" Chef: "Scarlett, so I guess you'll just have to deal with it as we get this whole thing straightened out! On each of these settings there'll be an item that will help you when you get to the pyramid. Just go, but watch out for the missiles!" Duncan: "Why would you put missiles on an island? Not to mention, an island full of people!" Chef: "Tell that to Chris, oh wait you can't BECAUSE HE'S GONE NUTS!" Gwen: (Confessional) "What did everyone just take a bottle of steroids before coming here?" Chef: "Just go on get!" Then they all ran off in different directions. Jo: "So how are we supposed to know what to look for? The old man didn't exactly give us any clues!" Gwen: "I guess we'll know when we find it!" Duncan: "Gosh it's been a longtime since this show began! What the heck happened to us?" Courtney: "Well, there's the fact that you cheated on me..." Duncan: "Geez, and I thought I held grudges! Shouldn't you had, oh I don't know, move on by now!" Courtney: "No, after all this time, no!" Gwen: "Hey! Less arguing and more looking!" With Dawn's team, they look inside one of the tires as Shawn found a big pick axe. Shawn: "Ah-ha! Who puts a pick axe in a tire?" Jasmine: "Probably Chris." Then the ground starts shaking as objects slide at the players. Shawn: "Incoming!!!" The others got out of the way, as they got to a train. Gwen: "Quick! Inside that train!" Courtney, Dawn and their helpers got inside the train. Courtney: "Wait... why is there a train here?" Sierra: (gasps) "It from the mystery challenge from Season 2!" Then it starts moving. Duncan: "This isn't good..." Scott: "Eh, I've been through worse." DJ: "How does this work? Is this real, not real or what?" Shawn: "Probably unreal, then again, it's hard to say! At least we have an axe with us!" -- Back at the secret room, Scarlett is sitting with a glass of water in her hands. Scarlett: "I should probably be doing some drugs, or drinking some alcohol, but no, a reality TV show where I tried to destroy now twice, yeah that's where the real money is!" Cody: (calling out) "No, I think you should've picked the drugs, a lot of them!" Scarlett: "Shut it!" Ella: "You don't have to do this, I just found my prince!" Dave: "I told you already, I don't want to be your prince!" Ella: "No, not you, Brick!" Trent: "I feel sorry for him!" She pressed a button, which caused the monitors to make a countdown of two hours. Scarlett took a sip of her water. Scarlett: "Excellent!" -- Meanwhile, in the forest, the rest of the contestants continue to search. Owen: "Is this really it guys?" Lindsay: "What do you mean?" Owen: "I mean this could be our last chance to be together!" Noah: "Relax Big O. We're not gonna die." Owen: "Not that. I meant it could be the last season we get on together and we'll be back to our normal lives." Alejandro: "Well at least you won't call me Al ever again!" Owen: "Why is that Al?" Alejandro: (annoyed) "Never mind..." Then Cameron's GPS starts beeping, to the cave where Zoey is standing at the enterance. Cameron: "There! In that cave." (sees Zoey) "Zoey? Are you all right?" Zoey: "I'm fine... I have been through a lot from season 4 and now here... But this is where it ends. Time to settle the score with Scarlett and Mal! And unleash my inner warrior in me!" Samey: (confessional) "Inner warrior? Wait you mean she's now..." Cameron: (confessional) "Commando Zoey. She's back..." Zoey puts on her headband and war paint on her face. Zoey: "Let's go!" Zoey ran inside with the others following her, as Samey and Cameron are unsure with Zoey's state. Zoey: "Alright, we've got you now!" They saw that the cave was empty, but the GPS was still beeping. Zoey: "Oh come on!" Zoey took the GPS from Cameron and threw it to Max. Zoey: "Your smart, you fix it!" Noah: "Yes, give our only means of finding the others to the purple haired lawn gnome that's obsessed with evil, I'm sure nothing's going to go wrong with that!" Justin: "Geez, no wonder nobody really likes you!" Noah: "I figure the more condescending I say it, the more ironic the following scene will be!" Max: (Confessional) "I can't wait to take over this island! That's why I'm only pretending to help these people!" -- At the infirmary, the interns are trying to examine Chris. Chris: "You can't keep me down! I'm famous! I have power! I have money! I could buy and sell each and every one of you!" The interns are freaked out and step back from Chris as he runs off. Chris: (Confessional) (laughing) "I was faking the whole time! I'd never go insane, but since I just got word of this Ridonculus Race, I've been angry all day! Hopefully I'll get word that I'm hosting it during the reunion special!" -- At the train, everyone is sitting down in the seats. DJ: "So, anybody have any plans after this whole show is done?" Courtney: "Well, once I win, I do plan to become a councilor when I'm done with my training and grew up to be a lawyer." Scott: "Well, just relax back on the farm." Jasmine: "Continue with my flower shop/boxing school." Duncan: "Heh, who would see that?" (Gwen and Shawn glares at him and sighs) "Sorry..." Gwen: "Well, me and Duncan haven't decided yet. What about you Dawn?" Dawn: "Well, if I win, I am planning to use the money to help mother nature, maybe a home for the dear animals." Gwen: "That's nice to hear." Then the train stopped and they got out at a new setting, a toxic swamp. Duncan: "Toxic waste... It HAS to be toxic waste!!!" Dawn: "This must be a callback to season 4." Courtney: "Well, let's find something that can help get to the pyramid." The others walked around on stumps, surrounded by toxic waste and they spot vines. Gwen: "Ah-ha. Maybe those can help us." Courtney: "Careful Gwen..." Gwen swings across the waste and she grab hold of the vines. Gwen: "Got them!" But Gwen is slipping and is about to fall, but Duncan grabs hold of her. Duncan: "Whoops, don't want you to fall down babe." Gwen: "Thanks!" -- Inside the secret room, Scarlett is watching the whole thing unfold. Scarlett: (growls) "Son of a..." Mal: "Hey, redhead, do you mind giving me a hand with something?" Scarlett: "What?" Mal put the mind machine on the ground. Mal: "Turns out it was in the girls cabin. Who knew, the one place where I couldn't go and it was there, so do you mind giving me a hand in destroying this contraption?" Scarlett took out two bats from the floor and handed one to Mal. Scarlett: "I'll be happy to help you!" Then the two started to smash the machine into smaller pieces. -- Back in the cave, everyone is walking out of it. Anne Maria: "So where do we go now?" The GPS kept beeping as Brick snatched it from Max. Brick: "Maybe we should head west, we'll probably find something soon!" Zoey: "Then let's go!" Zoey ran ahead with the others behind her. Brick noticed that the device is beeping hard as they arrived at the junkyard. Lightning: "Hey, that's the junky area from season four." Cameron: "Can't believe it, but Lightning's right." Brick: "And that's where Mal and Scarlett are hiding." The others walk ahead but robotic animals pop from the junk growling. Samey: "Eeeek!" Zoey: (glares at the animals and got a crowbar) "Oh-ho ho! Bring... it... on!!!" The animals roared as Commando Zoey ran ahead fighting the robots hard, while everyone watched. Zoey: (smashing the heads and parts) "Take that! And this! And that!" (laughs crazy) Sugar: "I thought she was the sweet one!" Cameron: "I thought the same thing!" Zoey: (Confessional) "I'm only acting like this just so I can a have a better chance to get Mike back!" Lightning: "Please, step aside and let Lightning show you how it's done!" Lightning walked up to one of the animals. Lightning: "Yo, metal mouth, prepare to get striked by Lightning!" The robot animal growled and leapt into Lightning's face and started to claw at it. Lightning: (screaming) "Ahhhh! Get it off me! Get it off me!" Alejandro: "I don't know, I believe you said you were going to show it's done...well congratulations, you are!" Lightning: "Then help me!" Brick pulled it off his face. Brick: "I thought you were an athlete, not a coward!" Justin: "I think he's both!" -- As they continued to walk through the toxic waste, the other contestants saw a shield on the other side of a toxic swamp. Sierra took a picture of it. Sierra: "Wow, I'm so glad this is virtual reality!" Jo: "Looks real to me!" Scott: "Someone's going to have to go get that shield, and it's not going to be me!" Jo: "Fine, dirt boy." Then Jo and Courtney spots a log as they carried it and use it to get across the toxic waste as they got the shield. Courtney: "Yes!" Gwen: "All right!" Then Jo and Courtney row back and jumped off before the log sink into the toxic waste. Courtney: "Now let's find the next useful item!" Then as they travel, the setting changed again, this time to a familiar area, Boney Island. Shawn: "Boney Island? Again?" Jasmine: "Must be our next trial." -- Back with the others, Zoey finished off the last robotic animal and she is covered in oil. Zoey: "That takes care of that." Anne Maria: "Wow Red, who knew who had it in ya?" Zoey: "Thanks." Then they hear clapping and out of the shadows is Mal. Mal: "Bravo Zoey, bravo..." Others: "Mal!" Zoey: "So decided to show yourself huh?" Mal: "Please, I'm only stalling you fools so Scarlett can finish her final plan. To wipe the island off the map, unless Chris can deliver the million dollars to us so we can live like villains." Heather: "Please... That's so cliché!" Alejandro: "I agree with Heather. A generic goal for a villain!" Mal: "Ha! Says the two who made it far on World Tour." Zoey: "Mal! Made it easy on yourself! Either you go back in Mike's mind or I'll knock you back into it!" Mal: "Well..." (grabs a spear) "Prepare to die!" Everyone gasps. Lindsay and Cameron ran off to a nearby bush. Lindsay: "Uh, you guys handle this!" Alejandro: (Confessional) "This guy means business...too bad I have to defeat him!" Max started to sneak off away from the others and into the small building. B